Tips for accountants working from home for the first time

The following suggestions are intended to make your home feel more like the office:

1.          Throughout the day randomly put a wet floor sign in front of the bathroom door. 

2.        Install a water cooler (with paper cups) in the hall to stand by.

3.        Put a sign up in the kitchen to say food left in fridge over weekend will be thrown away. 

4.        Fill a fire bucket with sand. Then put cigarette butts in and place the bucket outside the front door 

5.        Jam the photocopier and put a note on it saying ‘engineer called’ 

6.        Set off your alarm clock and stand out in the street pretending there is a fire drill. 

7.        Record yourself chewing loudly, picking your teeth, humming, tapping your biro on the desk (and any other such annoying noises. Then play back on loop to invoke nostalgia for that genuine office ambience. 

8.        Make ID cards for all the family and insist they must always be on show. 

9.        Shout out to no-one in particular. "Is anyone else having trouble getting on outlook this morning?...I'm just getting that little egg timer going round and round! 

10.    Designate your back door as a fire exit, put stickers up indicating such then lock it and place something heavy in front of it. 

11.      Leave passive-aggressive post-it notes on various doors, about switching lights off, flushing the toilet, not stealing from the fridge. 

12.    Glance over your shoulder occasionally while surfing Facebook on your computer. 

13.    Place a PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS sign in the loo, and a cautionary note on the hot tap reading CAUTION HOT WATER. 

14.    Put a signing-in book at the front door.  

15.    Make sure you only put empty milk bottles or bottles with an inch of sour milk in the fridge. All other milk must be left out on the surfaces. 

16.    Pretend that you’ve installed a vending machine by mixing a dash of vinegar and bleach into every cup of tea or coffee. 

17.    Steal your own stationery and toilet rolls. 

18.    Use your credit card to swipe access for all your doors and hang signs on the inside that say make sure door is closed. 

19.    Put a sticker on your thermostat saying 'DO NOT TOUCH' and then turn it up to max. Then open all the windows because it is too hot. 

20.   Turn all the lights on, even in the empty rooms. 

21.    Put a sign on the door with your name and job title, and insist that anyone who needs to speak to you makes an appointment first. 

22.   Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things on. So it’s Mary who keeps leaving her dirty cups all over the place and we really don't know what to do about her. 

23.   Create a stack of "Out of order" signs. Put on household appliances, but also on doors and mailbox. And the cat.

24.   Randomly scatter sugar granules, teaspoons and used mugs around the kitchen and leave a couple of cupboard doors open.